💝 I’m not saying this couple is doomed to fail. However, there can be many challenges, and with effort and consideration, they can become close at any time. If they try to be considerate, they can create a compatible relationship.
🛑 Most compatibility charts circulating on the internet have been discussed in Facebook groups and analyzed in detail, but they often lack a solid basis and are therefore unreliable. You can simply ignore them.
đźš« Please refrain from excessive blind faith. Relationships can be hard, but theories alone do not define them. Relationships are influenced by the environment and situation, and no theory can fully explain them.
This perspective is based on observation, experience, and analysis. I hope this article won’t cause any hurt. I’m simply trying to share the truth to address false knowledge. We must pursue truth and not overlook it.
I’m urgently notifying you because incorrect information has spread through Google searches.
I’m ready to respect differing opinions. Google’s personality page says, “ESFJ’s natural partners are ISFP and INFP.” This is actually incorrect. According to Socionics theory, ISFP and ESFJ have a contrary relationship.
In Socionics, mirror relationships were seen as ideal, and since Socionics types and MBTI types are very similar, the contrary relationship was misinterpreted as a mirror relationship.
In Socionics, the contrary relationship is between ESFJ and ISFP. (The ISFj Socionics type uses FiSe, which can be viewed as the ISFP MBTI type. On the other hand, the ISFp Socionics type uses SiFe, which can be viewed as the ISFJ MBTI type. The ESFj Socionics type uses the same functions as the ESFJ MBTI type, so it can be seen as the ESFJ MBTI type as well.)
• The Socionics type ISFp corresponds to MBTI’s ISFJ in psychological functions.
• The Socionics type ISFj corresponds to MBTI’s ISFP in psychological functions.
Therefore, it is no exaggeration to say that the contrary relationship is accurate in Socionics theory. The four functions work in opposite directions, so their minds and values differ. These differences can often lead to conflicts, as their psychological functions may misunderstand and distort each other’s thoughts.
This relationship is difficult and often involves arguments over minor details. Such relationships are called “extinguishment” relationships because partners often extinguish each other’s initiatives. It is hard to find adequate support for each other’s projects, though exchanging ideas is interesting. Contrary partners get along better when working separately since they focus too much on each other’s small mistakes when together.
They offer four identical capabilities to two people in the same channel, in different directions. And at the same time, they don't provide one and the same communication capability for the same features, which means there is no critical area where these partners can have the same perspective.
If one side pays attention to external processes through an extroverted function, the other side focuses on internal states through an introverted function, or vice versa. As a result, these partners find it difficult to understand and agree with each other when they deliberately try to look at the same problem from opposite perspectives, which can sometimes be helpful for creative research.
Since they use the Intuition (N) function less frequently, it may be challenging for them to achieve significant synergy in future-oriented or creative problem-solving.
The primary functions of ESFJ are Extraverted Feeling (Fe) and Introverted Sensing (Si), while the primary functions of ISFP are Introverted Feeling (Fi) and Extraverted Sensing (Se). Although both individuals favor Feeling and Sensing functions, the orientation of their Feeling (Fe vs. Fi) and Sensing (Si vs. Se) functions differ. This can cause each person’s approach to feel unfamiliar to the other, making it challenging to fully understand each other’s needs and communication styles.
Additionally, since ESFJs and ISFPs do not possess each other’s tertiary or inferior functions as strengths, it is difficult for them to compensate in these areas. As a result, their relationship may lack an ideal balance, with limitations in fully understanding or supporting each other.
This misconception stems primarily from a distortion of perspective theory. In Socionics, the mirror relationship is considered the most advantageous. However, due to the significant similarities between Socionics and MBTI types, contrary relationships are often mistakenly conflated with mirror relationships.
The second reason is misinterpreting the Korean MBTI relationship site 'Pushoong' regarding the relationship between the ESFJ and ISFP personality types.
The official website of Socionics often describes the Mirror relationship in a way that makes it easy to confuse it with the Contrary relationship: The main discomfort in these relations is caused by the difference in Judgement and Perception between the partners. (Mirror relationship explanation)
Judgment and Perception in the mirror relationship description above are often confused as Judging(J) and Perceiving(P)
• The misinterpreted statement:
• "Pushoong" claims that the main problems between ESFJ and ISFP arise from differences in their Judging (J) and Perceiving (P) traits. They also wrongly claim that they are mirror relationships.
• The correct interpretation:
• The original text actually refers to differences in judging functions (Fe, Fi, Te, Ti) and perceiving functions (Se, Si, Ne, Ni) between the partners, not the J/P dichotomy.
• The misunderstanding:
• The site confused the cognitive functions (judging and perceiving functions) with the lifestyle preferences (J/P dichotomy).
• Judging and Perceiving in MBTI can refer to two different things:
• a) Cognitive functions: How people process information and make decisions.
• b) Lifestyle preferences: How people orient themselves to the external world (structured vs. flexible).
• The actual meaning:
• The original text is discussing how ESFJs and ISFPs may experience discomfort due to their different ways of judging (making decisions) and perceiving (gathering information), based on their cognitive functions.
• Why it matters:
• This misinterpretation can lead to a misunderstanding of the potential challenges in an ESFJ-ISFP relationship. It incorrectly focuses on lifestyle differences (J vs. P) rather than the more fundamental differences in how these types process information and make decisions.
These are relations of an unstable psychological distance. Both partners experience difficulties in establishing and keeping a stable psychological distance between them. The only chance Contrary partners have to get on together well with each other is if they are left alone. In other cases partners usually compete over their strong sides. The reason for this is when somebody else is present, each partner tries to capture the attention of the listener by showing off their strong side. Contrary partners may like some elements of the other partner’s behaviour. This often helps the partners to begin a more close relationship. However, when they are in company, their interaction can change dramatically. The introvert partner usually becomes distant, relations lose warm feelings and become formal and cautious. Both partners may start regretting that they became too trustful.The extrovert partner normally gets the false impression that the introvert partner is deliberately acting against them. This can bring a great deal of misunderstanding and surprise into these relations, as both partners are convinced that before everything was fine. The introvert partner usually starts suppressing the activity of the extrovert partner and may reproach and criticise them. The extrovert partner in return can behave in the same way.
The most vulnerable position in these relations belongs to the extrovert partner, who may feel as if they are being betrayed. As a result the extrovert partner could start to worry excessively about their next step so as not to make any mistakes and may therefore become very suspicious. Unfortunately the extrovert partner cannot see that their introvert partner is not as bad as they have begun to imagine.
By implementing these strategies, ESFJs and ISFPs can create a harmonious relationship that brings out the best in both personalities.
ESFJs and ISFPs may face compatibility issues due to differences in communication styles, approaches to planning, energy levels, and conflict resolution methods. However, overcoming these differences can become a source of growth and richness in their relationship. By fostering understanding, practicing patience, and recognizing each other's unique strengths, ESFJs and ISFPs can build a strong and fulfilling relationship. The key is finding balance and learning from each other!